The 'Truth' - Women are Highly Undervalued.

As a modern, forward-thinking man, I am confident that I share with you just how undervalued women are in this twenty-first century world. You are baby-making machines, wives, girlfriends, domestic managers, homemakers, trophies, and have all manner of other 'labels' attached to you which both consciously and subconsciously keep you covertly just below the global patriarchy. It isn't to say this hasn't shifted to a more worthy, valued, and hard-won place further up the scheme of things, but the bare-faced reality puts forward a very valid argument that in a lot of ways it's still quite tokenistic because it keeps the 'little woman' happier and quieter, and she should know her place in the pecking order anyway, as women unknowingly strive to make the long journey towards a level of genuine recognition and a meaningful status in the world which removes them from the pseudo-labeling into their rightful place of no longer accepting that historical conditioning of being the baby machine, the wife, girlfriend, domestic manager, homemaker, or trophy to any other person except by honest self-choice, rather than it being a historical expectation dumped on women by the ruling male patriarchy.

What is so wrong with women just being themselves! I would therefore surmise this as an undeniable 'truth'.

Therefore the only viable way forward is for women, in general, to stop kowtowing to the needs of men, who by the process of genetics are programmed to inseminate females in order to produce a likeness of themselves and thereby repopulate the planet. Let's not pass by the undeniable fact that our sole purpose as humans is to have sex so that humankind can continue, but it is women that ultimately determine whether they want to give birth, have the controlling power over doing so, and ultimately hold far more power over men than they actually realise. 

So now which is the more dominant sex? You see, it's ultimately and quite rightly women who hold the power as to what goes into their vaginas and what comes out! I fully accept that producing babies is a shared responsibility, or at least it should be. However, there is no escaping the fact that the dominant force in the decision-making process will always be the female's, which of course gives them far more leverage over men, and despite the common belief it, therefore, places the male in a subservient position to the female because he cannot do his programmed genetic deed to reproduce a likeness of himself without having a willing female host to be inseminated. Rocket science it isn't! Therefore the power-shift has to come from women to invoke the change which is much needed to become wholly independent in their own right without being needy where men are concerned, because the cold, hard facts, are that men are far needier of women for the reasons I've just outlined. What a volcanic power-shift, right?

So, I'm going to zoom forward into the present case of Ria, a 23-year-old (in case you're not already familiar with her) Uni student here in Bristol, and to which all of the above bears' relevance because it is ALL about 'Trust' and women being able to 'trust' themselves, reclaim their ownership, 'Pledge Allegiance' to themselves and create extremely powerful internal dynamics by embracing the fact that they are 'sexually powerful' on a level which kicks just being 'baby-makers' and 'upbringers' way off into the long grass of life.

I asked Ria if she would capture her own thoughts on 'Trust', and this is what she wrote.

"To me, trust is the responsibility you put into someone else to do as I expected. It is needed for most relationships. Trust can exist at many levels; however, I haven’t always had the good fortune to experience this.

But there was this point I just knew that I wasn’t satisfied with what that can offer, I needed to explore my more adventurous side and step outside of the comfort zone I knew to different experiences. A few weeks using kink sites to find someone to explore with, I found nothing but endless fakery or men who simply had no idea what they were doing."

I recall a saying which I believe captures the very essence of any relationship - 'Do not walk behind me as I may not lead, and do not walk ahead of me as I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend'. Powerful words indeed.  From a female perspective there can be nothing more disempowering and patronising to a woman than a man who feels that he has to speak for her; make decisions on her behalf because somehow she is incapable of making any kind of decision for herself; do things for her which given the opportunity she is capable of doing for herself;  talks down what she may say in a way which belittles and causes self-doubt within her; a man who weaponises feelings of fear and guilt against her to manipulate. All of which simply highlight and underline his own insecurities and need to control because the need to control stems from a feeling of not being in control, and it's futile, self-defeating.  Far too many women nowadays find themselves in relationships with males who are so emotionally incontinent they throw their toys out of the pram at the least little thing which would otherwise have no great or meaningful significance whatsoever. Basically, little boys dressed in men's clothing. Therefore is really any wonder females are so confused about their true role in society when faced with schizoid behaviour which causes them to question whether they are a partner to the guy, or in his life to mother him? 

I feel it fair to say that my understanding of Ria's journey up to the point where we met is one of underlying emotional pain and blockage due to previous traumas in terms of her relationships with partners, and contributory to this an education system in the UK which has been and may still be in some cases, divisive in terms of male v female alignment and equality. As to how damaging the effects of both of these influences have impacted Ria's life so far I will leave for her to best articulate.

"My own experiences as growing up female have been a rollercoaster of attempting to fit into a world that promotes an idealises the perfect woman. It was often reinforced through peers and education what the male/female dynamic should be, often consisting of taking a mothering and caring stance. This has led to accepting being treated as a second-class citizen, because I have been taught that is what is right. This must change to allow women to understand their value and be treated with equality and respect by men and so each woman can feel fully empowered. 

Gender stereotypes were formed for me from a very young age. I was still in primary school when teachers would say 'when you're a mother' and 'girls don't act like that'. This created a schema (internal mental structure of behaviour) that I was and always will be treated in this way. It was apparent that I should act differently from males and taught to me from a young age that my purpose in life is to have kids. It was expected that the girls play together with the dolls and the boys play differently. Despite this, I grew up in a non-traditional family that defied what I was taught a female was. My father did the cooking, took me to school and worked shorter hours than my mother. I could play with whatever toys even those that were for boys. This confusion from a young age meant I never fit into what was expected. I didn't understand where my place was in this world because gender was never a barrier at home, but it was in school. However, this became more and more obvious, getting older. Through my teenage years, my interest in gossiping, baking, and looking after children was non-existent. However, I changed who I was, to fit in and grudgingly accepted and became that woman I was expected to be. So, one day I can take care of a man and have children, as this is my duty. Being a woman was never seen as complete until she was married and had children; despite all the amazing possibilities in life, that was my destiny. Schooling has played an enormous role in my disrespect for me. This has been from primary school, even to university. I feel this conditioning has affected my life. Until my realisation, what I have been taught and made to believe is so catastrophically wrong.    

This wrongful education towards both genders has led to several unhappy and traumatic interactions with men, prompting my trust in men and myself to vanish. One of the most memorable moments that highlighted the inequalities between men and women was when my boyfriend called me a bitch.  I was made to feel I deserved this because I shouldn't have such strong opinions. When I asked my friends if this was normal many of them believed it was, and deep down, it was love or that I had done something wrong. I came to accept this, my education had taught me that I am there to please the man, so if he felt like that, then indeed it was my fault. This name-calling continued. It became ingrained in me, and I believed that I was a bitch and entirely useless and worthless because I failed to make my boyfriend happy after all, his happiness is my responsibility. Other relationships have also followed similar lines. Men are starting off as happy to begin with, which transforms into become totally annoyed that I no longer provoke the same feelings. With this increased feeling of worthlessness came a lowering of my sexual desires. The only time they were ever happy with me was after sex, I did it for ages to make them happy, and it made my life easier. Still, after a long time, I got fed up and often ended up crying after sex because it was my only worth. The idea that women are only good for sex and children has only been reinforced using dating sites. It is common to ask if I already have kids, if I want them, checking I have the right age and health to bear children. When I tell a male that it's not what I want, they are always utterly shocked and believe it must be my biological issue. So much so one previous partner made me see doctors and gynaecologists because he was so stuck in the mentality that women are baby makers. After I found that there was nothing biologically wrong with me, I came to the decision to attempt to reclaim my own sexuality.  

I believe meeting such men along this path has kept my faith that men can be respectful and genuine. As explained previously, sex has been enjoyable, but I have never experienced orgasms and more profound pleasure. I believe this is vital to female empowerment. They can take control of their own sexuality and the many psychological benefits. John has a deeper understanding of the male/female dynamic than most experts in this world due to having experience around women and taking the time to listen to women and educating himself. "

I was interested in learning from Ria as to how much, if at all she was influenced as a child to play with dolls and if at all this influenced her maternal instincts as she grew older. Her reply was "no" not in her case, but she readily identified that there were children who took on the whole maternal role of feeding and dressing their doll(s) to a point where it/they to all intents and purposes became almost human in some respects: even as far as one-way verbal communication from the child to its inanimate representation of a baby, and furthermore this was encouraged by the mother of the child from her own conditioned childhood through generational belief and learned helplessness that the main purpose of female existence is maternal, and little else.

Whereas, and most certainly in Ria's case at least, there is an inbuilt recognition that there's far more to her womanhood than being a baby-producer and that as a fully functioning sexual being in her own right any confusion as to her place in society is now far clearer, and with the mental fog which had before obscured her horizon view of the journey ahead of her in life now lifted she is............................"

WAIT....THERE'S MORE!

For now, I feel that's a hefty sample to inspire your imagination, right?

You want more? Of course you do!

For a start, you're missing out on this....

"I have taken ownership of my sexual expression while disregarding the shame narrative because I realise that my pleasure and existence as a woman are valid. Furthermore, I can live in a world without the fear of shame of expressing my sexuality, which has brought me more confidence and lowered my insecurities. But so many women need to unlearn shame so they can experience positive sexual experiences and positive mentalities. I feel lucky I have met John to have these experiences and realisations whilst learning to trust myself and my judgement. I believe that I am a better person for it. It has surprised me that having healthy sexual experiences and experiencing a healthy partnership can change so much. But I now know that I should not be fearful or submit to the stereotypes of being female simply to please a man. I now trust that I will never allow myself to be treated this way again because I am worth far more."

PLUS  a whole lot of further juicy, informative, empowering, and inspirational gems for the taking!

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